I miss 20/20 vision.*
I miss being able to pick up a can of food and read the nutritional information without hunting for a magnifying glass.**
I miss the times when squinting was due to bright light only.
I miss when I didn’t have to spend extra time in the gym just to exercise my left bicep to build it up to match the right one which has doubled in size due to the 1,000 to-get-something-in-focus lateral bicep curls I do every day.
I miss the days I wasn’t utterly dependent on 0.8 ounces of glass and plastic.***
I miss when socks were the things that were always magically disappearing.****
I miss when I had no reason to be self-conscious about the size of the font on my computer – or Kindle – screen.
On the positive side, my wrinkles, lines, droops, and other imperfections are less noticeable.
(At least to me and others similarly visually challenged.)
In fact, I have a theory: our vision was intended to fade over time as a way to ensure stable social relationships. In other words, couples view each other with a kinder – and admittedly slightly to extremely blurry – eye, helping to avoid the scare that could occur upon waking up to the fuzzy-free sight snoring beside us.
(Or the scare that could occur when looking in the mirror each morning.)
Which is why I feel no shame when I hide my husband’s glasses before bedtime.
It could be worse. According to the late, and great, Nora Ephron:
“One of my biggest regrets – bigger even than not buying the apartment on East Seventy-fifth Street, bigger even than my worst romantic catastrophe – is that I didn’t spend my youth staring lovingly at my neck.”
I’m heading to the mirror right this moment.
Without my glasses.
* Actually, I still have 20/20 vision; my doctor told me that I “see like a sniper.” However, I am sure that will go soon, as well, so I am lumping all my visual woes under the title “20/20.”
** Because I generally like to pretend that I don’t need them and, thus, often don’t have them around when battling small print.
*** Which I am not (see note above). I am, instead, embracing denial and my optical challenges.
*** This I know because husband is on pair #67.